My head hurts My heart aches My energy’s depleted And i’m down in a deep pit
But my my friends aren’t helping It is me who doesn’t reach out? Or them who doesn’t even care?

So i’m left alone, wondering, hoping, gets my hope crushed, blaming others, blaming myself, cries... and repeat

Am I a little kid?

Assalamualaikum and hye :D

If, I mean IF, IF somehow you guys know me, then you probably realize by now that I am a very tiny person. *not a dwarf though* My height is 148cm and my weight is **kg. *I've cross my heart to never reveal my weight to the universe*  and my face is kind of emm, what korean people call 'baby face'. in other words, I look younger than my age. WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY YOUNGER. *not like a little kid though*

So whenever I met a stranger who eagerly wants to start  a conversation with my me or my mom, will always ask if I'm a secondary student while I'm 22 this year, or is it okay to skip school and hangout in the shopping center or some younger kids try to flirt because they thought I was about their age *ugh, really. I'm crying inside* I guess, i've adapted well with this kind of question BUT here's a mystery.


So I've been doing some reflection on my attit…


Assalamualaikum and whaddup

so its been more than a year huh since i post something here. 

I've always wanted to update my blog continously but due to certaion factors, its been hard. Even though there's a lot of emotional, physically exhausted and amazing experiences that i wanted to share though. hmmm. What a shame :(

Well, I am well aware of my 'no of readers' so now I dont even care about my Manglish and whoever people involve. Because I'm dead sure that person wont even discover this blog. Muahahahaha *villain's laugh with hand on the waist*

I'll try my best to post something whenever there's a thought that I want to share but this is all for the 2017 starter. Lame huh? well, I DONT CARE *smirk*


15/6/16 - Wednesday
Assalamualaikum and hye :)
So currently I am facing one of the biggest emotion issue regarding friendship. 
I used to trust people with my whole heart and them always ended up betraying my feelings or leave me hanging. Well thats the short version of my long story how my bestfriend used to make the whole class ostracize me for a week and act like nothing happen after that. And some other occasion that end up changing me to someone who's always be careful and never trust people completely espeacially in friendship. 
But then I met this girl in high school (which is a boarding school where people said friendship is a lot stronger cause you sleep together and stuff) and we're close like sisters and share everything, help her when she's sick. but then she ended up meeting a girl who's better than me, (I guess) and love her more. and not to mention abandoning me. 
so my trust issues keep on getting worse.
then I arrive in Egypt, its far from home and you pract…

Random Feelings

Assalamualaikum and hey2 night before exam. After washing my face. Exactly 2315I'm not sure wether its because people use to say about it or it is true cause I've actually experience it. Or maybe both. The thing is, you'll experience your homesick more frequent during study leave (I'm in Alexandria,Egypt,btw) Called my mom on the night before exam Module 9 (we study according to's medic) planned to have a brief talk but ended up for 1 and a half hours T.T cant get enough of umi, cant get enough of their smile, and i'm not satisfied cause I cant meet my dearest adiks. Ngeh. They teased me a lot. A LOT. But they tease with care. Apologive when the realize they've realized they've crossed the line. Umi told about everyone. Nak nangisssss sgt sebab kenapa adik semua cepat sgt besar :'( now I know what parents meant by we're growing so fast or time flies or look at them now or you used to be sleeping on your father you know. Ngeh, I wish i…


Assalamualaikum and hey

Whatsapp. LOL kau whatsapp. buat gelabah aku je

2 days before exam - 20/1/15

End of Mock Practical and head home. Forgot the keys so lepak la depan pintu rumah smbil scroll Play Store carik game best. Then bukak My Apps, smpai kat Whatsapp, I have this thought of, "This is my tab, Ihave Whatspp in my phone so I dont want things to mess up so I just have to uninstall it." padahal tu la phone dan bukan tab -.- Lepas dh tekan uninstal baru sedar T.T 

Malam 19/1/15

Dengan yakinnya dan penuh perasaaan, aku maasukkan no Egypt dan selesai kan segala proses login. Bila bukak group semua hilang. PERGH. Cant exams be the only thing that gives me stress? Bengan sgt sgt sgt. Cant think well I guess, so I blame peneraju Whatsapp sebab tak boleh retrieve my past conversation. hmph

Lepas tu mengadu la kat Amira Amalina, lepas dh merepek segala bagai. tanya Mira, "Mira, no whatsapp aku yg lama no egypt kan?" pastu Mira cakap, "Whatsapp kau no Malaysia la Int…

Speak Up


dear diary, 

so I've just finished the second last program of PROF ( some sort of mahkamah style ) and the reason I brought it up here after a decade of not updating my blog is because I AM NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT I'VE DONE. 

am I not putting enough effort? 
am I not good enough?
how come org lain usaha sikit je tapi org tu yg dipuji, yg org cakap hebat.
this is soooooooooooooooooooooo unfair

seriusly nak nangis sebab JEALOUSY. jealous bila ang yg terkenal dgn kehebatan dia utk berdebat, nak dgr dia puji saya jugak. and he ended up, "EH AWAK ADA CAKAP TAK TADI?" seriously? you're really saying this words to me? T.T *my hopes are crushed*

since then forward, mood saya swingging mcm daun kering nak tunggu kena pijak kasi hancur je.

I guess I'm not good enough. I even have this thought that, " maybe I should just stop trying"

BUT THEN, balik rumah bukak FB, kena ayat sentap.

 " Knapa kalau fail dpt or buat smthing dgn baik, kita dh putus …