15/6/16 - Wednesday

Assalamualaikum and hye :)

So currently I am facing one of the biggest emotion issue regarding friendship. 

I used to trust people with my whole heart and them always ended up betraying my feelings or leave me hanging. Well thats the short version of my long story how my bestfriend used to make the whole class ostracize me for a week and act like nothing happen after that. And some other occasion that end up changing me to someone who's always be careful and never trust people completely espeacially in friendship. 

But then I met this girl in high school (which is a boarding school where people said friendship is a lot stronger cause you sleep together and stuff) and we're close like sisters and share everything, help her when she's sick. but then she ended up meeting a girl who's better than me, (I guess) and love her more. and not to mention abandoning me. 

so my trust issues keep on getting worse.

then I arrive in Egypt, its far from home and you practically live in a house with your friends. We have a very good relationship. I LOVE MY FRIENDS. VERY MUCH. very understandable and nice and eveything. And I met a girl who's currently my housemate. She's very nice and friendly, so everyone didnt hesitate to talk to to her. Unlike me who have an arrogent aura. WR ARE VERY CLOSE. She USED to tell me EVERYTHING, well almost everything, I guess, that happen troughout the day. and we would talk about our ideal type of guys and stuff. 

And now we're third year students, and 18 days left to go back to Malaysia for summer vacation. But for the last month now, she's been going to one of her 'NEW' friend's house regularly. and since she spent a lot of time with her, the stories that used to tell me is getting shorter. and she even hesitate to tell me something. or she'll be sleepy or hear musics instead of talking to me :( since I think a lot, I thought it was something that I did so Itry to be nicer, but I didnt change anything. 

Well, to be totally honest, I'M HURT. BY HER ACTION. yes, of course I cant keep her to myself but I hope at least dont do this to me. We used to be so close. Please dont be like them, please dont crush my trust, please be my friend again. 

Dear you (FZ), you know, I didnt realise this until you've been reguarly going to her house, but, I'm happy just to know that you're in your room. And I can just come whenever I want to talk to you, But now I'm always on guard, thinking if you're gonna sleep here tonight or not, or if you're gonna come home tonight or not, or when will you be home? I'm away from my family and I too need a friend. 

I sincerely believe that nobody would read this post. so theres that. 

p/s : I still love my friends, the trust is still there, just hurt. 

KamiliaAmaniena on a chair. 


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